ADVENTURES IN NURSING

OUR SECOND DAY OF NURSING SCHOOL

Being dedicated, dutiful little welfare moms, we went back for Day 2.  Not everyone did!  We noticed the absence of a few of those who had been there the day before – including the two senior citizens!  Oh, damn!  I was in danger of being the oldest student in the class.  Thank goodness, I hung on to my fantasy that I looked 10 years younger than I actually was.  A girl’s gotta have her dreams, right?

Mrs. B-1 strode in and got right down to the business of “The History of Nursing.”  Yeah, yeah, Florence Nightingale, Clara Barton, the Crimean War, dates and places – BORING!  I was not paying attention.  I glanced over at B and she was freakin’ TAKING NOTES!  “What a dweeb,” thought I.  After all, it was just nursing history.  What did it matter?  I wanted some meat and potatoes, and we were getting saltines without the cheese.  I did manage to stay awake, though, and silently patted myself on the back for that accomplishment.  

Break time!  B and I looked around at the other students, and wondered who else was missing from Day 1.  Had someone clued them in on what was ahead for us, and they decided, “Hell, no!  I won’t go!”  That would be my first guess.

We observed a few of them covertly, wondering how long they would last and if they were worth getting to know.  We were down from 43 students to 40 already.  About one third of them were high school kids.  I was sure most of those hapless youngsters would crash and burn. 

I imagined they were probably seduced by the allure of “the glamorous world of nursing.”  As unaware as I was, even I knew that nursing involved dealing with disgusting bodily fluids, germs, bedpans, drudge work, and the putting of your hands into the private places of complete strangers.  I assumed we would be hearing a few comments like, “Eww!  Gross!”  And that would be the end of little Miss Blond and Bouncy Cheerleader and her best friend two rows in front of us.    

There were a few interesting possibilities here and there – mature types who looked like they had a little life experience, as well as common sense.  Time would tell.  There was also a quite hunky gentleman sitting behind us, complete with outrageous dimples and wedding ring.  We would continue to monitor that situation.

Then it was Mrs. B-2’s turn.  She handed out lists of prefixes and suffixes that related to nursing terms, and would could in handy for the rest of our lives.  We were to memorize them.  They were important.  In the meantime, we would go over each one individually as a class because she had two hours to kill and nothing else to talk about.  Lovely.

Before this class time was over, our attention was drawn to the high-schooler in the last row.  She wasn’t hard to miss.  “HIC!” she said loudly.  She apparently had a “hiccup issue.”  She was afflicted with uncontrollable, sudden-onset hiccup episodes.  After all eyes in the room were turned in her direction, we heard, “Sorry!  (giggle, giggle, HIC!)  I can’t help (HIC!) it.  When I get nervous (HIC!), I hiccup.  (HIC!)”  Isn’t that precious?

We survived the last hour of Mrs. B-2’s monotone recitation of the Latin origins of the prefixes and suffixes.  Good times!  Then, blessed escape once again.

I confess, being the catty little bitches that we were, B and I spent the ride home torturing each other with our own fake hiccup episodes, and giggling about how hilarious we both were.  Yeah, we were feeling quite superior to the young’uns in the class.  Nursing school has a way of knocking that right out of you, though.

NEXT UP:  OUR THIRD DAY OF NURSING SCHOOL